In her recently published memoir “Becoming”, the former First Lady claims that her marriage with the 44th President of the United States wasn’t always smooth sailing.
Scroll through layers of the photos of the couple which are available on the Internet, and you couldn’t help but think that the Obamas always had a brilliant relationship.
They enjoy each other’s company, challenge each other to become better and create space for family time; all the ingredients for a happy marriage life.
However, in her recently released memoir, Michelle Obama tells everyone that her relationship with Barrack wasn’t always smooth sailing.
The problems started when the couple had young kids.
While Barrack was a busy politician constantly travelling between Washington and Springfield, Michelle was a burgeoning lawyer who was feeling way too weighed down by her daily responsibilities.
Michelle learned in that period that what attracts you to your partner at the start often becomes the thing, especially in the long run, that drives you bananas.
While she was the box-checker type who thought everything should be in neat and tidy order, Barrack was her polar opposite – always swerving from one task to the other.
Understandably, then, both of them realized that to make their marriage long-lasting, they need to get marriage counselling to let Barrack see what he was doing wrong.
Surprisingly for Michelle, she discovered that it wasn’t what Barrack was doing which was driving him nuts. Instead, to make herself happy, she needed to make herself happy. That means that nobody but herself was responsible for her happiness, or the other way around.
In a sense, that realization which Michelle got that day – that only we are responsible for our happiness – is what is missing in modern day couples.
We tend to go into a marriage thinking the other person will complete us. That there is something missing in us. That we will share everything to have a happy-go-lucky life.
However, when reality sets in, we know that living with another person isn’t as easy – or as fun – as you might think.
That is where therapy helps us. Apart from identifying what we need, therapy tells us what the needs of our partner are, and how could both of us communicate better with each other. You get to know whether you can offer what the other person is asking, and whether they can offer what you want.
Only when this realization sets in – says Michelle Obama – that marriage becomes truly successful and long-lasting.